F**k my C**t!

These are the first words my son would have heard when he was forced to go to the Red Hot Chilli Peppers concert last week. The opening band was "Die Antwoord" and their first song and all others after that contained a litany of profanities. I tried to cover his ears but I wasn't sure where his head was, so I had to guess and I hope I guessed right. I wasn't thinking four months ago when I bought the tickets, and neither did I know that the sound would be as loud as it was. I can only imagine what the bass sound must have felt like as it reverberated through his little cushion of amniotic fluid. I may as well have pressed a cattle prod to the increasing bulge that has become my wife. Maybe it felt like the spin cycle on a washing machine for him, or a ride on an electrically malfunctioning roller coaster.

In any event, I hope it caused him no permanent damage, and I hope that the baroque music I played for him afterwards went some way to ameliorate the effects of the concert.

It is also quite astonishing that people in general seem impervious to the fact that a pregnant woman may be in their midst. I had to, at times, form a barrier with my arm, lest some hyped-up concert goer bump into my wife's stomach. At this stage it is no small protrusion and anyone who sees her coming would have seen that part of her a few seconds before they saw the rest of her.

My curled up child will be going to another concert next week and before I'm reported for abuse, rest assured that this will be far more subdued and even beneficial for him. With Sixto Rodriguez being as old as he is, this is probably the only chance my son will get of hearing him live.

We had another scan this week and all I got to see was a large ear, which seemed to project itself at a rather peculiar angle, much like a satellite dish. I don't know where he might have got it from, as my side of the family have perfectly formed ears, and so do my wife's side, from what I've seen. It could very well be that it's growth was exacerbated by some of the dubious sounds he's heard. We were hoping for a natural birth, but the little bugger hasn't turned around yet and it looks like there is little chance that he will. (apparently there is not enough amniotic fluid left to do so)

It looks like he still has his foot in his mouth and I'm beginning to wonder if he's ever taken it out. I only hope that it hasn't fused to his mouth or something. Other than that, there was not much to see. Just a mass of stuff that with a little imagination, could look like Humphrey Bogart.

Die Antwoord